05 Apr April 2019 newsletter
Creating from Choice…
When we make any choice, it is not for us to work out how it will unfold. All that is required is a commitment to follow the awareness that arises from within us, knowing that it will be a contribution to what we have chosen to create.
This last month my attention was drawn to healing the past. I didn’t decide to do it. It arose from a choice I made to commune with my body.
I am constantly in awe of the synchronicity of healing and of the divine unfolding created from our choices. Our ego/mind would think that it is superior and that it has “got” every situation in hand, however, the infinite nature of what I was experiencing was beyond anything an already programmed ego/mind could orchestrate.
My experiences were heightened over a two-day period during which I attended another reunion of fellow secondary school graduates as well as attended a mass held to honour the passing of a loving and devoted mother and cousin-in-law of my father who had transitioned 30 days prior.
The first event was a reunion with girls I attended Mercy College with. I had met with some of these beautiful girls before, yet one person who was attending for the first time was someone that I had bonded with in late primary school and with whom I had lost connection with.
When I first set eyes on her eyes, I experienced a total recall and a tremendous grief and release emerged from my body. While I continued to observe the cafe environment we were in, and the presence of the other girls not knowing the depth of healing unfolding, I allowed healing to occur. My commitment to release and let go outweighed any ego/mind notion to “keep it together”.
I could feel what my body had stored in its cells. I could feel what had been trapped in there for the 46 years since I was with this dear friend. What I perceived and felt was not limited to physical symptoms and deep emotions, it included limiting thought patterns, profound judgement and conclusion.
I knew that what was rippling throughout my body was unfolding in response to my choice to commune with my body. I knew that it was releasing and transmuting. I knew that a tremendous love was also present.
The next evening, while still vulnerable from the events of the day before, I chose to attend the anniversary mass, welcoming also the opportunity for some private reflection in church. While I usually attend such events with my sisters or, at the very least, my mother, this evening only I could attend. I chose to attend on my own. I arrived early and sat quietly at the back of the church. As the time for the mass drew nearer and my relatives began to arrive, they each came to me, welcomed me and embraced me. While they had done that before, this evening I felt they were seeing me for me. They invited me to join in closer as I was part of the family. It could have been due to my already vulnerable state, but I felt embraced and taken care of. Maybe I was that 10-year-old girl again. I remember an analogy that came to mind the next morning. I felt like a little chick who had been found and corralled into safety by the family.
I know that when there is a lack of a sense of self within the ego/mind, before we can dismantle and transmute identification, there may be a need to create a sense of ego/mind self.
The experience with my relatives instantly created a belonging and nurturing in my body that I had never felt. Together with the release the day before, I felt my body in a totally different way. The need to look back immediately began to dissipate. Barriers to being visible in the world began to collapse. I no longer needed to wait for anything or anyone.
My allowance to be vulnerable and receive, created a gift of new freedom in my body.
While I am yet to fully create what I have chosen, I know the huge contribution the events of this month were towards its unfoldment.
I will continue in my choice to commune with all that is, knowing that as I continue to shed, I will increasingly reflect outwardly, in my physical form, what I experience and be in my soul.
I will continue to choose an expansion of consciousness, and I know I will remain in awe at the divine orchestration of each of our unique awakening.
I will continue to stay vigilant and conscious of the choices I am making and not making, knowing that my life reflects and projects in accordance to my choices.
Read on: Enrica Mallard April 2019 Newsletter