27 Oct Patterns from the Past
Patterns from the Past
Patterns rising up
As I, like many around me, come out of what seems like a perpetual lockdown, I was over-joyed to finally begin to organise get togethers with family and friends I hadn’t seen for a while.
To my surprise, an interesting thing happened.
In addition to the excitement, I ‘dropped’ into a past reality when I was younger. I began experiencing the same invisibility and feeling of being “of no consequence” which I lived in for a large part of my life.
While the trigger was the reaching out to others, I knew patterns from the past had bubbled to the surface for me to acknowledge and release. I was also very conscious of choosing to nurture myself through the process..
What I experienced and perceived were flashbacks of events in my life that were traumatic. As a result, there were in tears at times. Other times, I would be with the feelings.
I was experiencing the past as if it was still happening, still my reality.
Sometimes, when I’m processing past trauma or patterns, I experience it as an observer of the content, yet this time I was re-experiencing the emotions and feelings as the child and then as the adult I was.
I wondered why it was unfolding in this way.
The awareness I perceived was such a gift.
I realised and felt that I had to go and retrieve myself from behind the past patterns at the level of the ego/mind.
Reaching out my hand, I helped up the past ‘me’ from behind the patterns.
Processing was at the level of matter and the ego/mind. Beyond that, in Being, there were no past patterns.
I realised that while I still held those feelings and emotions in my physical and energy bodies, it remained real as trauma and lack, and in some way, I remained identified in that.
Make another choice
The unfolding invited the conscious choosing of something else. As a consequence, I did make another choice, and I could feel an unearthing of the entire pattern. With the capacity I had in this time/space, I was able to lovingly undo the pain and heal.
Literally, I could feel the trauma soften and then ‘melt away’ from inside of me.
From this experience, I do feel like I have retrieved a part of myself that was left in the past. This may sounds strange, yet how I am experiencing myself in these moments feels a more complete ‘me’ with more tenderness for myself.
I am constantly surprised by how healing shows up, yet I remain eternally grateful, and will continue to invite healing and blessings into my life – something I wish for all of us.